If you texted me this afternoon to come meet you somewhere for a cup of coffee, I'd reply "I'm exhausted and have already crashed from caffeine a long time ago, but I could do with a doughnut!". We'd meet at a coffee shop on Main street: it's close to where I live. I've already been on Main street twice today, at different cafes. But a third one wouldn't hurt. We'd meet at Forty Ninth Parallel Coffee Roasters & Lucky's Doughnuts; it's a cozy, darker place and Lucky's Doughnuts are the best ones in town.
If we met for a cup of coffee, I'd tell you this:
I don't know why, but today I'm just exhausted - yet energetic at the same time? I woke up from nightmares this morning, and even though I feel quite positive and content, there's an inner worry that I just can't seem to shake off. You ever get that? That everything's fine except for an almost transparent shadow watching over you, slowly and quietly convincing you it's not fine; you're not fine; this is wrong. You might know what it feels like, when your energy is spent fighting invisible creatures in the background of your everyday life. So despite it being a good day, a productive day, you're just so drained after 2pm that you might as well call it a day.
And I mean, what can you do. You just try your best, I guess. To get by. I just feel overwhelmed and out of sync with the world. It's tough, moving to a new place. I don't know anyone here, and recently I've been feeling so anti-social that I just can't make myself go out and meet new people. The thought of "mingling" or "networking" puts my body in a state of panic. We don't have a place to stay yet, and neither of us has jobs yet. Things are definitely moving forward: I don't want to paint a picture of hopelessness. It's all about attitude, I know that. Those are just obstacles right now, those are the hills we're climbing. They're tough hills; the type where you're too exhausted some days to look back at the view and enjoy it. The type where you feel like you'll never make it to the top (until you do).
There are many things I should be doing. You ever get the feeling that no matter what you're doing, you should be doing something else? That you never prioritize the way a "successful" person would prioritize? And what's successful anyway? Are you, like me, so tired of this perfect life being broadcasted to us on Social Media? People who leave their jobs with no fear, with no hardships. People with perfectly styled homes and model-babies. Younger people than you who landed their dream jobs ages ago, and are already looking into retiring.
I mean I get it; you filter yourself online. As you should, as do I. For most people that perfect life is just a job, and I know that there's an everyday there that we don't get to see. Some days I just need more vulnerability and less business type of content. Do you follow anyone online that just makes you feel so much better about all the pressure? Do you know who positively.kate is?
I'm kind of in love with Kate, you have to check her out. I'm gonna be honest, in the beginning, her rawness made me a bit uncomfortable. Because we're so used to seeing the filtered version of people, right? Kate is the opposite of that; she's someone that so many people need. I've grown such an affection for her. Her stories where she's there with her morning cup of coffee, talking about real self-care (and not just the one companies are trying to sell us in shapes of lotions and potions) means so much to me. How she keeps on reminding people that she hopes "you have a day, because a day is enough" (it can be good, it can be bad, us being here is enough).
Also, she has the cutest dog ever called Waffles, you need to check her out. You're gonna love her too.
It's getting late, and our coffee date is almost over. Before we leave each other, I just want to make sure you're listening to Ruins, First Aid Kit's new album? Have you also listened to Nothing Has To Be True on repeat? I mean, just thinking of the melody and the lyrics now makes me cry. Maybe you're just like me; a simple verse can make you cry instantly. But how beautiful is it? Quick, here's a live-video of it that you can watch on the bus home (but I do recommend the studio version with headphones on):
Anyway, thanks for listening. Let's do it again sometime soon! Take care of yourself x
(this blog-post concept is inspired by one of my favorite bloggers Ashley Ann who sometimes do these coffee-date writings)