Witch Riot (Again)

I don’t care about your definition of when “life” starts. Your definition of when x becomes a human. A baby instead of x inside a womb. A tiny human with rights and a personality and a chance of being someone in this world, worthy of protection. Worthy of more protection than the already existing human who carries x inside of them. We don’t have to debate that. We can agree to disagree on when and where and how.

I also don’t care about what god(s) you pray to. I do not care about what you believe happens after death. If we have souls, and where they origin from. You have the right to pick and choose whatever you believe in when it comes to things we cannot scientifically define. Especially if that ideology have no effect on other humans. Some days when I feel like shit I imagine a god, sometimes I imagine the possibility of other worlds. I imagine reincarnation. I see auras, I believe in my horoscope. I read books, watch films, and I live more in that made-up world than I live in this real one. Because temporarily it makes me feel better. And those thoughts do not harm anyone else.

Feel free to have your own beliefs, by all means feel free to believe in something if it makes you feel better about living in this world with so many questions and such few answers. Whatever makes you sleep at night, believe in it. Fill your days with magic if necessary. Believe in nothing at all, if that makes you feel the best. Whatever tools you want to use in order to become a better human for this planet, use them.

Believing in something on a private level, and making it into law however is a completely different thing.

There is one question where my answer will always ring loud and clear and with such certainty, whereas other answers to other questions are filled with doubt. The question is do I trust womxn. The answer is yes and always will be yes.

The question of abortion is a strong one for me, and should be for anyone that cares for me and other womxn in this world. The answer will always be that I do not have a say in how a womxn wants to go through with their pregnancy. They know best. They can make the choice all on their own. They know when to keep x growing inside of them, they know when it’s time to let x go. I trust them to know that what could have been a dream is not a dream, but a nightmare. I trust them to make the right decision, because the only right decision is whatever they decide. We do not get to have a say. We should go on with our days, with gratitude knowing that we would be faced with the same respect and trust from society if that very difficult decision ever had to be made by us, this time regarding our own body.

When people, mostly men but also other womxn, wants to argue about whether or not abortion is right or wrong it infuriates me because we should not be having these conversations. Stop masking your “ideology” in this question as intelligence; as truth; as if we needed your point of view. You, with your harmful views, do not want to “save children”. You want to not trust womxn. You want to decide for them. You believe that womxn are dangerous, that we are not smart enough ourselves. That we need guidance in this world. Just like the Christian God punished Eve for making her own decisions, having free will. You can pretend it’s nothing like that, that you’re progressive because you read opinion pieces on the internet now. But it sounds all the same to me, it sounds like you don’t trust womxn. And that distrust comes from a deep rooted hatred of womxn. A deep rooted misogyny so well disguised you do not even notice it’s there yourself. I know, because I’ve internalised that hatred myself.

You do not trust womxn. You think a womxn would kill a baby to get out of minor inconvenient situation. You think they wouldn’t think twice about carving themselves up to kill a human being, just because it was an inconvenience to them. When does life start? When a baby can live “on its own (using high tech science)” outside the womb? Is it a human, then, or before? Before that, as a blood clot not bigger than a cheese doodle? Or sometime in between? Tell me, if a slug appeared in front of you, it had a heartbeat but not much else, but you knew that in 20 years time that slug could become a functioning human being - would you kill a womxn in order to save the slug? A living, breathing, womxn, standing in front of you. Would you throw away the womxn into poverty, depression, despair, only because maybe - just maybe - that slug could become SOMEONE of importance in this world. You’re not gonna make sure that happens, but the possibility is there, surely. Nevermind that the womxn also could be someone important. Never mind them.

I’m getting sidetracked. Because again, the definition doesn’t matter. We have no way of knowing, we all believe in different scenarios. If you believe that womxn will kill innocent babies unless you stop them, you have a serious problem with trusting womxn. I know so many womxn who have gone through abortions, and they always make the choice based on their own situation, what it requires. They decide to do the right thing. I have done an abortion myself. It was the right decision. There wasn’t a baby inside of me. It was. Something. An x, a fertilized egg, a fetus that could never have been a human. They (some abortions) exit your body the same way they came. Not meant for this world, not now, not yet. Some of them not bigger than a heavy period.

Have you ever seen a period? Have you seen chunks of blood collected in your underwear? Perhaps you should stare at it, once a month, before you’re allowed to have an opinion. It doesn’t have to be your own blood. Learn to sympathise with other people who have horrors you are privileged to be excluded from. Perhaps you should fill your body with unwanted and wanted sperm aka liquid filled with “potential babies” again and again and again. Feel the sharp and hollowing pain of unwanted penetration. Feel the joy of the wanted union. Then the fear that follows, when the magic is gone. What if? What Will I Do? Because for a brief moment it will be your choice and horror to deal with, and yours alone. Men will not care until it’s too late. Until they don’t trust you can make the right choice. It is up to you, it is your secret to carry, but God Forbids if you make the wrong choice. We Will Not Help You. There is only shame and grief and it belongs to you, the lesser one.

Most womxn I know who have had an abortion, and every story I have ever read about someone having an abortion, all tell me the same thing. That it was the right choice. It was a painful decision, for some an easy one, for others life-changing - filled with sorrow. But they are not regretful. It was the right thing to do. By making the most difficult and horrible decision of their life, they saved their own life. Or the lives of the future kids. Sometimes both.

Abortion sometimes means taking out x when x is already dead. A ban on abortion means a womxn have to carry out the pregnancy with a dead thing inside of them. Or a living x, who will at the first breath of air die in plain sight in front of the womxn due to foreseeable health conditions. Nine months of physical and emotional pain that could have been avoided. Abortion sometimes means taking a pill to stop the growth of x, so that the womxn can continue school, continue working, continue a healthy relationship (or end a bad one), continue with their own health being first priority, continue knowing that x’s health was first priority too. Because they knew that bringing x into this world would do x no good, not now, not here. You have to wait, or sometimes not come at all. Abortion means trusting womxn to know when the right time is for x to grow inside of them. It is their body. It is not a vessel. You do not have a say in what goes on in their uteruses.

Don’t we want a world with wanted children? You say, “But I Do Want This Specific Child To Be Born”. I say I do not trust your love for babies and humans. I cannot see the evidence that you are a caring person. Look at the already living, what do you do for them? What about children without parents, are you caring for them? What about marginalised people, are you fighting for their rights to thrive in this world? Are you helping out where help is needed? Where’s your guidance when it comes to injustice, poverty, racism, ableism, classism, sexism? Why is your voice so loud when the opinion regards a womxn’s right to choose over their own body, but so silent once a baby actually is born?

How can I make you understand, listen, HELP? What do you want to know? What can we tell you? How many womxn do you need to hear from before you comprehend that abortion is a personal choice and that the womxn is always making the right choice, always. How can we make you trust us? Trust that we are not evil witches with a purpose to kill babies just so we can live out our own desire to live in your so-called sin? How can we make you support us instead? Comfort us? Go through the fire with us instead of spitting on us for making the choice to go through the flames, ignoring the fact that it’s Our Only Way Out.

As you can tell this topic is personal. As you can tell it makes my blood boil. It’s almost like I can feel my witchy ancestors, exhausted and angry, riling up inside of me. Sighing: really, again? We’re doing this, still?