Posts in daily
Less Showreel More Scrapbook

The title is a quote by Lucy Sheridan from her text regarding the worry we feel over Instagram/Blog posts; the hesitation to showcase our life due to our "content" not meeting imaginary expectations. Bottom line: let go of comparison and focus on showing a scrap-booked version of your life and not the highlight reel. 

Yesterday was filled with so many of my favourite activities. Me and Andrew left home early to drive south, a block away from the border. Misty, our very charming car, doesn't have a working AC so we were boiling in no time. We stopped at a gas station to get breakfast; medium roasted brewed coffee and a blueberry muffin. Andrew had a kinder egg. We parked up at an RV park close by, to look at a dog show. Growing up I always went around with mom to different dog shows. I love the feeling of a dog show, so even though we don't own a dog ourselves we love to visit "dog events" and just stare. Due to the heat people were spraying their dogs with water bottles and many of them wore cold dog show capes. We decided to opt out of the dog show hot dogs that were served, and went to White Rock instead. White Rock is a beach town named after a - you guessed it - white rock. We had fish and chips on the beach. Reapplied sun lotion. Even though I brought my swim suit, I was too lazy to get it from the car but I desperately wanted to swim in the water so I went in with my under garments. Due to the low tide the water was shallow and so, so warm. I couldn't stop smiling; I was so happy. During the summer months all I want is to be in the water, and this was the first dip I had this year. Tired from the sun, the beach and the food but still not ready to go home we decided to book tickets for the cinema that evening, the new Mission Impossible film. Honestly, I was so amazingly surprised. I had no expectations because action films are not usually my thing, but I loved, loved this movie. You have to see it. On the big screen, with good speakers. I couldn't stop smiling throughout the film, it was so incredibly well made. It was also such a perfect ending of a perfect day here in Vancouver. I didn't take a single photo. Or I did, but they're not worth showing to anyone since they can't possibly convey what was actually going on. Here instead follows three pictures not taken by me but would fit well into this page of my scrap-book-life: 

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Pictures are all taken from Tumblr, credit sources here: mvisional

dailyEmma Carlsson
Lately
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Lately I've been loving the warmer weather, blue skies and trees dressed in bright green, pink, white and peach. Spring came so fast: all of a sudden after a couple of rainy days people were wearing summer clothes and walking around looking a bit happier, like life now was a bit easier. 

Lately I've been watching The Office with Andrew like a mad person. We only have a couple of episodes left now, and I'm already in mourning. How one cannot crush on John Krasinski is beyond me - I even forced Andrew to come with me to see The Quiet Place, which turned out to be a great film honestly. 

Lately I've been full time at the pet shop I'm working at. Overall I really enjoy working there: there's always something to do, you're always on your feet and you're bound to pet and say hi to at least 10 dogs per day. 

Lately I've been eating pretty badly: I try my best to cook and eat at home, but it's hard. The prices for groceries here scare me. Add a low paying job to that and a high rent and voila! It's a problem that I'm working on fixing. We're heading into May, we've been officially in our apartment for a month and I've been working full time for a month so better, more planned and stable days are coming. I hope. 

Lately I've been really excited for dad to come to Canada on Saturday! He'll be staying in Alberta, and then sometime in June we'll meet up for a holiday. It'll just be so great to have him here in the same country, in the same time zone. I'm also super excited about Jennifer moving to California on Saturday as well! Two of my favourite people in the world, in the same time zone as me! Yay! 

Lately I've been missing home/Sweden like crazy. It's the "summer" days. I think of Swedish lakes and Swedish trees and Swedish traditions and food and houses. What I wouldn't do right now for a BBQ outside in the sunshine with my family right now. 

daily, familyEmma Carlsson
Ten Days Later

So. Seems like I had an unintentional blog-break. That's ok. 

In the meantime I started my new job, which is always exhausting because you're learning so many new things all at once. Not just how to actually do your job, or detailed facts about the products you're selling; what the company stands for etc. - but also about the humans working there. You learn who's in charge, who's responsible for what and who you might become friends with. You keep yourself as neutral as possible, because you don't want to offend or overshare or step on anyone's toes. At least that's me. Trying to fit it, trying to establish myself little by little; see what spot's available. At the moment I'm one of the new girls, the one with the accent. 

The job itself is only part-time, so I still have to look for another one. And learn all the office politics all over again. Whatever pays your rent, right. Speaking of rent, we signed a lease to an apartment we get to move into at the end of this month! It feels both good and scary. Good because the landlord is amazing, the location is amazing and the apartment itself is pretty sweet. Scary because it's a huge commitment, and neither me or Andrew really have the required income yet. I mean we have savings, but it's still scary because we're definitely taking a risk here. Commitment is scary for me in general. I always like to have one foot in one place, the other foot in another place and the rest of my body somewhere else. Like I'm divided equally between past, present and the future. This is the wrong way to live and I know that. But it's the only way I know how to.  

Other than that me and Andrew have been obsessed with a South Korean show called Hello, My Twenties on Netflix! Don't ask why, just watch it. We loved it. 

dailyEmma Carlsson
The Patriarchy Will Fall (And Other Good News)
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Welcome, welcome first Monday of March! With every passing day it's getting warmer and brighter, and I can't tell you how much we all need it? Collectively? If you survived February without a hint seasonal affective disorder I need to congratulate you and tell you that you were one of the few lucky ones. For most people I know, this winter has been tough. As the world is growing smaller, I have a feeling we're more inclined to be absorbed by each other's sense of desolation. With more accessible information, we also now know more about ourselves (and others) than ever before: we're learning that our behavior could be a sign of something else. The realization makes us sad, as we go deeper into our wounds. It's not all bad, since in order to heal you need to realize that healing is what you need. Rather than being an endpoint, it's a start. 

Anyway.

Last night Andrew and I were watching the Oscars in front of our fake fireplace. How gorgeous was the set-design? I was blown away. Shape of Water might have deserved Best Film but Timothee Chalamet should've won Best Actor. This weekend was a good one; we walked on the beach, I got a job offer and we went to our first apartment viewing. I developed a cough, but apart from that, I was as happy as can be.

Earlier that day, we went to Canada Place to visit the Outdoor and Adventure convention, mainly to attend one of the photography workshops. It's amazing how photography is still so dominated by older men. What amazes me more is their confidence in their own art. If only women could let themselves feel the same pride in their art? The same self-respect? Imagine a world in where women all over are taking up space and being celebrated for it, in where they celebrate themselves for their own achievements (small or large). There's a quote by Swedish singer Lisa Ekdahl, which once translated goes something like this: "The patriarchy will fall, within your lifetime". Repeat it over and over again till it becomes the truth. 

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Setbacks
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After a long, unpublished text of mine got deleted for some mysterious reason, I've been feeling unmotivated to write anything else. That, and my mind is completely clogged up and blurry. It's worse whenever a Monday comes around and you're not ready to let go of the weekend. You feel like you need more time to do absolutely nothing other than resting and reflecting. Why we only have 2 out of 7 days "off" per week is beyond me. 

There's an inner stress I don't seem to be able to shake off. There's also a rebellion, going on inside me. The start of something bigger. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, it usually means something else, something bigger, is heading your way. And I feel so uncomfortable right now, so unstable. But I've been here before, and I know some things you just have to wait out.

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dailyEmma Carlsson
North Vancouver Getaways

If you were to ask me what it looks like exactly from where I'm sitting right now, I'd show you this picture: 

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Announcement: we've fallen in love with North Vancouver. Why? Well for many reasons. The slower pace, the cleaner streets, the mountains, all the trees. The trails. The way you can see the snow from here, and you can easily go up and roll in it if you want to. Just take the bus! (We did, over the weekend. I'll show you later; it was pretty magical)

You get to North Vancouver on the Seabus (ferry). It's honestly so convenient. Many people complain, how there aren't enough bridges here, but we love it. Who doesn't love a ferry? 

(ps. these pictures of us going from Canada Place to the Seabus are from my instagram stories. follow me here.) 

Anyway. Today's monday; me and Andrew are both sick with a cold but loving the sunny weather so can't resist being outdoors. The forecast is looking pretty good this week, believe it or not (we can't). It's such a completely different experience being here when it's not constantly pouring rain and all you see are dark skies over wet, cold and tired people.

We're going to start looking for jobs + accommodation in North Vancouver. I don't know if there's enough jobs, but I'd love to find something here, close to the mountains with the skyline of downtown as my view instead of my playground. You can take the girl out from the forest but you can't take the forest out of the girl and all that jazz! 

daily, vancouver, winterEmma Carlsson
Inner City Life: Inner City Pressure

Sorry for that Flight of the Conchords title. Fun fact: Andrew has never watched Flight of the Conchords but loves when I sing the songs to him and "can't wait" to watch it. 

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If you were to ask me how a normal day is, here, in Vancouver. While I'm unemployed and spending every minute with my best friend. Then I would say this is it. Us taking the bus and us waiting for more buses to come our way.  

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It's also this. Us finding cafes to have fika and/or lunch at. Do they have power outlets? Do they have WiFi? Then me ordering whatever that's on the menu, and you special ordering whatever you can eat. For example on this day, when we went to Prado on Fraser and you had two Belgian waffles with nutella and a side of bacon for lunch (I love you). 

Even though I hope we both get jobs (that we like) soon, I'm doing my very best to enjoy this. Just exploring with you, all the daily stuff. (I love you)

daily, vancouver, winterEmma Carlsson
Oh Canada! Settling In, Or The Lack Of It
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What I find difficult is this: 

- The weather. The constant grey clouds and wet air. The claustrophobic feeling of always being met by rain when outside. 
- The food. Nothing has wowed me yet; food taste weird. Like it's missing components, like it's trying to taste like food but it's not. It's also really expensive: the only thing that saves us at the moment is the conversion rate from Eur/Sek to Cad.
- Smells. On buses, on streets, in houses. Wet clothes, alcohol, drugs, human despair, mold, you name it - it's all there. 
- Being away from my family, of course. 
- The feeling of not fitting in, of not being where I'm meant to be. 
- Being unemployed / looking for jobs. Do I need to explain further? 
- Having no place of our own, and knowing that we need to look for places soon enough. 

What makes my heart sparkle a bit extra is this: 

- Whenever it's not raining, the whole city comes alive. There are beaches, mountains, and sunsets to explore. 
- Our AirBnB, what a gem to find. We're there till the end of March; it's nice to have something for a longer period than couch surfing from place to place. 
- Cute coffee shops and boutiques with local-everything. 
- The library. We just (finally) got our library cards and oh my, what a safe spot! A quiet place where it's warm, where everyone is quiet and give each other space? Bless libraries, may you live on forever. 

daily, vancouver, winterEmma Carlsson
Big Furry Dinosaurs: A -20°C Walk

Writing this at a Starbucks in Vancouver makes me miss home (+ my sister) so-o much. On this day, Ida had a couple of hours off school and we decided to go down to Mollie to give her a good ol' walk in the cold (-20) but sunny weather, seeing as if we would've waited till the dark, it would've been just to cold for the poor fur baby. 

Arriving at the horse yard before everyone else, I introduced myself to the "locals". Horses are just simply incredible creatures. What even are they? Big furry dinosaurs. There's nothing that can make me cry as much as a movie featuring a horse. I guess it's because it's harder to read a horse? You can easily tell if a dog is excited, anxious, and all the feelings in between. It's so easy to tell if a dog likes you or not. But a horse? How do you know? 

I was never a horse person myself. I tried to be, but failed. To be honest, I was 1) too sensitive and 2) I always thought I was too big? What nonsense. Thanks society for that one. Anyway. There's nothing that impress me as much as young girls with their horses. There's nothing they can't do? Having a sister who's broken every bone in her body (not true, but enough bones anyway!) from riding and jumping, I see how much it has affected her self image. She's bold, brave, caring and smart. Yard smart > street smart any day!  

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Poor Mollie; being imported from Ireland this is her first proper winter with snow. And now we're making her go over fields instead of on the roads? So she's knee-deep in this icy snow? On top of that, going up the hill over the fields an elk RAN out from the field onto the road we were on. Mollie probably thought it was the weirdest looking horse she'd ever seen. The rest of the walk she spent looking like this, trying to spot another one:

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Snacks, anyone? Ida has trained Mollie to "kiss" her now, which Mollie enthusiastically does only cause she knows there's a snack at the end of a trick. So again, does she actually like the kissing? Does she understand the sharing of affection? Who knows! It's cute either way. 

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Is there anything nicer than having your hair + eyelashes + (let's be real) nose hair frozen from walking outside? Probably! But it's definitely up there! Mollie was so happy to be back from her walk, she kept rolling around in her paddock and grinning to us. I say grin, but then again, who knows? Haha, I love horses. I just hope they genuinly love us back.  

daily, winter, swedenEmma Carlsson
Roads At Home

What I love most about being home in Sweden is driving around in a huge, safe Volvo stopping everywhere to look at views. Driving really slow to avoid hurting any animal that might take a leap of faith at the exact same time. It's something I miss when I'm away, the freedom of driving and the beauty of the valleys, the red houses and how weather forms the mood. 

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These photos are all taken from my car window, on the same day, on the same trip from my dad's house to my mom's house. The most familiar of views to me. 

winter, dailyEmma Carlsson
Job Hunting Part I

Updating my CV. Updating Linkedin. Updating Indeed. That's all fine and dandy, it's when you actually have to click into the different ads that your soul slowly escapes through the cracks. I can only read through a couple before I give up. I will do literally anything else. Like listen to the Wicked soundtrack and cry. People watching. Going onto Twitter which I'm never on otherwise. Answering emails I've been ignoring for decades (most probably). 

I have a masters degree, I've produced a feature film. I still don't know if it's film I want to work with. When do you finally decide? And why does work have to be that important anyway? I want to just slide into a career. I want to just work with something I'm happy with. Ideally a job where I don't get an anxiety attack every morning. 

Some jobs I would love: 

x Something with dogs! Read: dog shop, dog spa (yeah, why not), doggy daycare, dog shelter, dog training, dog photographer etc. You name it, I'm there. If it includes a dog/dogs. 
x Children / YA author. The ultimate goal? 
x Local news reporter. No world news here, only interested in local activities. Think pieces as well, but for a local audience? With social media everything has become so global. Will local be the new big thing (again)? 
x Real estate / special mission photographer. This might be a weird one. But I'd love to be a photographer on request. Not a wedding photographer or a people photographer. I like places, to photograph houses or landscapes. I love moving things around within the picture with my hands, not giving people instructions. 
x Animal sanctuary farmer. Preferably want to combine this with any other job on the list. 
x Creative Content Strategist. Work with clients who want to develop their brand. I'm into logos, websites, even copywriting even though I have very little experience with it. I'd love to meet people, get a sense of who they are and create a brand around them. Especially everyday companies. I'm not talking tech companies or any type of corporation. I'm talking my dad with his timber house company. Small. Again, local. 
x Video teacher. Not film teacher, even though this would probably be the term institutions would use. I would love to teach people how to create effective videos. How video is art, how video is everything. How we can utilize even small clips to get our point across. Love to focus on female creatives, of course. 
x Holiday home caretaker. I'd love to work with Airbnb. My retirement dream is to own a couple of huts (built by my dad) somewhere in the wilderness and have people come over with their families and friends and I can help them have a wonderful time. Perhaps while petting my saved animals? This needs to happen. 

Those are just jobs I can think of right now. None of them really requires a city, which is a must for me since I see myself settling down somewhere way smaller. I wrote this post instead of actually looking for real jobs. But it's Friday, and this week has been as intense as I allowed it to be. I'm ready for the weekend. Monday will come either way, and I'll be ready for it. Maybe. 

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daily, philosophyEmma Carlsson
Vancouver, CA

We just extended our booking at the Airbnb we're staying at, close to Fraser street / Mountain View area. I would lie if I said it was love at first sight. Vancouver and me didn't hit it off straight away. Leaving home, and the beauty that is a snow dressed Sweden, hurts more than I thought it would. The rainy, grey city just didn't do it for me the first couple of days. 

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For some reason, I underestimated just how much of a city Vancouver is? Being so close to the mountains, nature, I didn't foresee all the tall buildings and city people. I'm not a city person, far from it. I can adapt, for sure. There are things about cities I loved. But the first couple of days I felt small, insignificant, not at home. Naturally - because I wasn't home. I was somewhere else. 

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The first day was an extreme example of how a new place can scare the living shit out of you. We had been walking around the city the whole day. We were wet and tired. Jetlagged, vulnerable and foreign. I had a pain in my back from travelling that just kept on intensifying throughout the day. At home, in the evening, the pain made it impossible for me to move. I had serious trouble breathing and even laying down hurt my insides. It felt like my chest had collapsed, a very scary thought when you're fresh in a new country. I thought of medical bills, insurance, of wanting to be home where everything was safe and familiar. In the end, it got so bad that we had to call the insurance company, we had to get to the ER. Great. Maybe I'll write about the experience another day, maybe not. I'm safe and alive though so hey, all good! 

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Apart from that, we've been taking it slow. Getting essentials out of the way, going back and forth between hospital and insurance company. We've been exploring the city while trying to find gems and places that feel more like home than the others. We went to the cinema, finally saw Call me by your name and god was it beautiful. We haven't applied for a single job yet, but it'll come. Probably tomorrow already. 

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Hopefully with each day we will feel like we have it more together, that things are going forward. Right now it feels like a weird dream. But at least we have a place to stay, food to eat and things to do. 

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daily, winterEmma Carlsson